Marriage Secrets from Couples Who Have Been Together for Over 25 Years

Here's some great marriage advice from couples who have been through it all.

By: Jen Glantz

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The Marriage Secrets You Need to Know

Falling in love with someone who feels like your perfect match is truly a gift that, at first, makes you feel on top of the world. However, as the years go by, and you watch that love develop, expand, and grow, you begin to learn so much about your partner. There’s a lot to learn from couples who have been married for so many years — from what keeps their spark of love alive to how they get through tough times. So, whether your relationship is brand new or has been flourishing for a little bit of time, dive into these marriage secrets from couples who have been together for over 25 years, and enjoy the seasoned advice!

There’s No Keeping Score

A big thing that makes a relationship work is when the couple views themselves as a team. For Michael, who has been married for 27 years, this means there’s no such thing as keeping score.

"We consider ourselves a team, and team members lift each other and don’t keep score, which means that we strive for harmony and not a 50/50 divide on everything in every moment. We all have days, and when they come, we lift each other," he says.

Become a Good Listener

In any relationship, whether it’s with friends, family, or your partner, learning the art of listening is important. Bryan, who has been married for 26 years, says that listening with due respect is important because both people have their own feelings and opinions that deserve to be heard.

"The differences are not the reason to argue, but the opportunity to know each other better. Always listen to each other with due respect, don’t interrupt, and make an effort to understand each other. Ask questions instead of criticizing things you don’t understand and take time to think," he says.

Spend Quality Time Together

While it might sound obvious, spending quality time with your partner is something that can often be pushed aside as life gets busy. Dr. Israel, who has been married for 39 years, says that quality time matters.

"Have fun together. Laugh. Dance. Play games. Go for a walk. Have a drink and celebrate your accomplishments together. There’s a huge difference between enjoying each other’s company and just being in each other’s presence, so make sure to make time together feel meaningful," he says.

Always Kiss Goodnight

Chances are, you’ve heard the advice that a couple should never go to bed with a disagreement still lingering over their head — but for Kelly (married for 28 years), the secret is to always kiss goodnight.

"'Always kiss me goodnight' is a quote that hangs above our bed. And every night, without fail we kiss and say I love you prior to falling asleep. We leave everything at the door when we go to our bedroom. So, any disagreements or arguments are not discussed in the bedroom. You might say it is a 'no conflict zone' where there is no tension allowed," she says.

Do the Work

The truth about relationships (that people often forget) is that successful relationships take work. Rick has been married for 25 years and agrees that putting in the work is what makes a marriage flourish.

"Relationships are one the beautiful gifts that make life worth living. This statement may make being in a relationship sound easy, but it's not. It takes work, a lot of work, and constant attention. Like most things in life, if you devote time, energy, and attention to it, then it will flourish. This is where most people struggle. They often focus only on trying to make everything as easy as possible and [don’t] work to make it as good as it can be. There is no easy button to a relationship," he says.

No One is Perfect

As you spend years with a person, you truly get to know every aspect of them, which reminds you that no one is perfect — and that’s okay. It’s something that Edie, who has been married for 30 years, says is good to remember, especially as times get tough.

"We spent more time with our loved ones this past year than ever before in our lives. It's important to remember that no one is perfect, including ourselves. Have patience with each other. Be kind to one another. And remember that an ounce of compassion and understanding helps heal," says Edie.

It’s Not About Being Right

When it comes to arguments with your spouse, it’s important to find a solution and not to figure out who is right. Leona, who has been married for 26 years, says that dropping the idea of right vs. wrong is crucial.

"Often in marriage, we are more invested in proving how right we are over making sure our relationship is reconciled. When couples realize they are on the same team and the goal is to grow together, not apart, it informs your decision as a couple. You also choose not to major in the minors so that you can see 25 years and more in your marriage." she says.

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