8 Conversations You and Your Partner Should Have When You Get Engaged

Because marriage is a big step, not just a wedding.

By: Jen Glantz

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'Til the End of the Road

After you get engaged, your mind might be swirling with the endless to-do lists you need to create for your wedding day. But in-between picking vendors and setting a date for your celebration, using your engagement as a time to have deep and important conversations with your partner can make entering marriage a whole lot easier.

So whether you block off time on a Sunday afternoon or you have casual weekday chats, here are the 8 conversations you and your partner should have during your engagement.

The Meaning of Marriage

Even though you both agreed to take your relationship to the next level, what the next chapter in your life looks like together might look different to each of you.

While it’s a thought-provoking topic, discussing what the meaning of marriage means to you can help you both unravel deeper discussions about what kind of relationship you hope to continue to have and the kind of couple you want to work on becoming in the future.

Do Some Future Planning

After you get married, both of you might find yourselves thinking about what is next in your relationship. Having a conversation about where you want to live and if you want to have kids before you get married can help you navigate the next steps in your lives together once the big celebration comes to an end.

Chat About Money Merging

After you get married, you and your partner might decide to merge some, or all, of your finances. The process of figuring out what accounts you want to combine and which ones to keep separate, might require several conversations or even meetings with a financial expert.

Starting this process before the wedding can help you get a head start so that once you’re legally married, you know the breakdown of your finances.

Understand Each Other’s Communication Style

Even though you and your fiance know each other well, having an open conversation about each other’s communication style can help you have a better understanding of how to address tough topics with your partner going forward.

Perhaps one of you needs time to process difficult conversations before fully diving in while the other person enjoys talking through all of the details of a challenging topic upfront. Understanding how the other person likes to handle things can keep an open line of communication going in your marriage.

Agree on Wedding Must-Haves

Before you dive into wedding planning, sit down together and chat about what your agreed-upon wedding must-haves are. Create a list of 5 or 10 things that both of you want to have at your celebration. That way, you’ll have a clear perspective of how to use your wedding budget when you start picking a venue and vendors.

Get on the Same Page About a Prenuptial Agreement

Before getting legally married, some couples decide to sign a prenuptial agreement that details how things would be split if the relationship were to end in the future.

While this conversation isn’t the most romantic one to have, it’s important to first find out if this is something both of you want to do before getting married. If you’re unsure, it could be helpful to research it more or meet with a professional to understand the details of the agreement and whether it makes sense for you two.

Decide on Your Wedding and Family Boundaries

When it comes to planning your wedding, you and your partner might experience new situations that pop up around family dynamics, decision making, and even whose opinions you feel the need to listen to.

Before you find yourself in any quarrels with family members, set boundaries for your wedding planning. Decide what decisions you want to make together and which ones you’re okay inviting other voices in for (whether it’s parents or friends).

Discuss Nerves and Fears Surrounding This Time

After you get engaged, you both might be overwhelmed with joy and happiness. But as the excitement takes a backseat to all the details of planning a wedding, you might start to feel other things, like nerves or anxiety.

Be sure to have conversations, often, checking in on how each other is feeling during this process. That way, if things get too stressful, you can help each other take breaks from the wedding planning adventure.

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