How to Make Your Mother and Future Mother-in-Law Feel Included in Your Wedding Planning

These tips will keep everyone as involved as you want them to be while you plan your special day.

By: Jen Glantz

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7 Tips for Involving Your Mother and Mother-in-Law

Planning a wedding starts to feel special the second you make some of your first major decisions, from officially setting a date to picking out the most delightful venue. As the excitement builds and your to-do list of decisions grows longer and longer, many people in your life will be eager to help you plan the wedding of your dreams.

Two of those people might be your mother and your future mother-in-law. So, how do you make sure they are included every step of the way while also setting boundaries during the process? Here are seven ways to make your mother and future mother-in-law feel adored and appreciated while you plan your big day.

Make a List of Private Decisions

Before you brainstorm ways to get your loved ones involved in your wedding planning, take a giant step back and think about you and your partner first. What are the decisions you want just the two of you to make without anyone else’s feedback or advice? Are there any wedding surprises you want to keep a secret from everyone else? Is there anything you both want to have or do that is non-negotiable?

Knowing all of this will allow you to set boundaries, which are so important when planning for your big day. This will also put you in a good headspace to start including your mom or mom-to-be in the wedding plans and address what you’d like them to help with.

Treat Them to a Nice Get-Together

Your mom and future mother-in-law are likely going to shell out quite a bit of time, energy, and perhaps even cash to help you plan your wedding. Before all of the phone calls, decor setup, appointments, and decisions happen, treat them to a nice get-together. This will help you start the whirlwind wedding planning process on a good note.

Consider taking them to a nice brunch, planning a dinner for them at your house, or if they live far away, sending each a nice bouquet of flowers as a way to thank them before you even get started.

Let Them Pick Their To-Do List

It can feel natural and easy to start assigning the moms a to-do list. Before jumping in with a collection of tasks for each of them, ask them what they are the most interested in doing. That will help you get a pulse on what they are eager to get involved with and how much time they are able to devote to helping.

Making this a conversation, rather than a moment where you just hand them a list of demands, lets you show each of them how much you respect and appreciate them.

Decide on a Few Appointments to Invite Them To

Heading to in-person appointments with vendors, like your caterer or florist, or going on venue tours are all fun parts of wedding planning. Plus, there’s just something magical about going wedding dress shopping! First, decide which appointments you want to go on with just your fiance. Then, share the rest of the dates with the moms.

A big portion of wedding planning is worrying about details and organizing your decisions. But if you can include your mom and future mother-in-law in the fun parts (like cake tasting!), it will truly mean a lot to them.

Keep in Touch with Open Communication

You definitely don’t have to run every decision by the moms, but every so often, make a point to check in with them and share updates. Likely, they will ask you what’s new and crave any news that you have about the vendors you picked or the decisions you made.

Instead of having them always be the ones to contact you, pick up the phone and give them a ring a few times a month to fill them in on any and all wedding progress.

Ask About Family Traditions

A really meaningful way to make your mother and future mother-in-law feel involved in an important aspect of your big day, is to ask about any family traditions that you might include in the wedding. These traditions can be special things you do during the ceremony or even have on display during the reception.

Ask about this early on, in case it affects any other area of your wedding planning (ex: location for the ceremony or decor that you need to order).

Gauge Their Day-Of Involvement

While the moms might be eager to help you plan before the wedding takes place, they might want to be task-free on the actual day, so they can fully enjoy themselves. Find out how involved they want to be with pop-up and last-minute tasks on the day of your wedding. This will help you know if you should plan to hire a day-of coordinator or turn to some members of your bridal party for some extra sets of hands on your special day.

How to Make Your Mother and Future Mother-in-Law Feel Included in Your Wedding Planning

Shop This Look

7 Tips for Involving Your Mother and Mother-in-Law

Make a List of Private Decisions

Treat Them to a Nice Get-Together

Let Them Pick Their To-Do List

Decide on a Few Appointments to Invite Them To

Keep in Touch with Open Communication

Ask About Family Traditions

Gauge Their Day-Of Involvement

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