Healing the Family After a Miscarriage

3.30.12

Photo credit Getty Images Jake Wyman

When we realized that Jubilee was not with us we wanted to honor her little life with a memorial service because every life deserves to be recognized. We felt like she had been a part of our lives for 18 weeks and we had so rejoiced when we found out God had given us another baby, and then our family needed to grieve and to be able to take a sigh and bring closure to that when we realized what happened.

We had our dear friend play for the service, and the music was heavenly. We had a harpist (she taught our girls how to play harp), and she offered to play at Jubilee's funeral. It was just the most beautiful, honoring memorial service that I've ever seen.We played the song "I Will Carry You" and another song called "Blessing."

After the service we had people come up and other mothers that had experienced a miscarriage, and they said, "Michelle, I cannot tell you how this memorial service has helped me to grieve the loss of my baby." And some of them said, "You know, I lost my baby earlier and I didn't know whether it was a girl or a boy, but my heart grieved and we didn't have a service, so I feel like this was a service for my baby as well."

And we found that a lot of people were sharing their experiences with us, because sometimes experiencing a miscarriage is swept under the rug. So often people get excited when they hear that you're expecting but then when they hear that you lose the baby they just don't know what to say -- they're afraid to say anything because they don't want to upset you. But at the same time, by not saying something, that hurts too because you think this was a person I was looking forward to having in my life, and now everybody's just acting like nothing happened. And it's a really hard thing to go through.

We're discussing death as a family, in different ways depending on the kids' ages. I've told some of the children, "You know, guys, at any point in time, we don't know what the future holds. I have a family member that was in a tragic car accident. You just don't know what the future holds. But I do know this: We need to enjoy today and not take for granted the time that we have to tell each other how much we love each other.

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