Family Life

Michelle Duggar’s Blog: Teaching Kids About Courtship

posted: 03/28/14
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Question from a "19 Kids and Counting" fan on Facebook: How did you teach your kids about courtship and what it means?

We have really prayed for our children and for their future spouses over the years because who you marry determines your future and the future of your generations to come. A lot of what we talk about is the idea that God will protect them and their future spouse. We want to prepare them for becoming the man and the woman that God wants them to be. We don't know who their spouse will be, but God knows. It's just understood that in His time, He'll bring that special person. And when that time comes, the goal is to really connect with that person on a spiritual level and get to know them. We hope they really know each other like Jim Bob and I do.

If Jim Bob and I had known a few more rules about guarding our hearts we probably would have done it a little differently. The idea of always having a chaperone -- we just never even had a clue. We were into the whole mindset of dating, and talking, and being alone. And that's a dangerous place to be. However, our focus was very much on Christ and our relationship with him. That spared us a whole lot of grief that could have come.

For our children, we've always encouraged them to know themselves first. Their focus is getting to know who they are, where they are headed, and what they believe their goals are for their future. They should ask themselves if they are prepared to start a relationship that will lead to courtship and marriage? Because we believe that's really the only reason that you would even consider getting to know someone that closely. You don't want to play around with your emotions and your feelings. So we talk about those kinds of things with our kids.

We teach them that when you're tempted - because boy and girl-friends are part of these adolescent years -- you've got to pray, guard your heart and try to keep things on a good level with the opposite sex. We want the kids to express to their prayer partners, which are Jim Bob and me in this case, that with this individual there was an attraction. These are not strange feelings that they feel. Everybody goes through this. But you always have to consider your future spouse. You want to share all of everything with them. And so you don't want to have any regrets when you meet that special one that you'll be sharing your life with.

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