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The Mom Behind “Honest Toddler” Is getting Honest with Postpartum Depression

posted: 11/03/17
by: Amanda Mushro

While we are certainly changing the conversations about postpartum depression, the effects on mothers and fathers, and how to get help, there are still so many aspects of PPD that we need to continue talking about. That's why a post about PPD from a popular blogger and author has hit home for so many parents.

In her post she write:

"I had it bad with my third born. My last baby, my first son. We all know about the anxiety, OCD, chilling thoughts, rage that sneaks up on you like a flash fire and then is drowned by your own shame-filled tears and all that fun stuff yay but what no one can prepare you for is how it feels to hold a baby and not feel like she's yours."

For Bunmi Laditan, the writer behind Honest Toddler, it was during the daily tasks of being a mother that knew she loved her baby but didn't feel connected to him.

"He didn't feel like mine. I felt like I was taking care of someone's else's child. My body felt distinctly postpartum and was leaking from too many places but as I'd change his diapers and gently push his sweet little arms through his yellow and white pajamas, I remember looking my bedroom door, half expecting his real mother to walk in and say, 'Excellent work, fr?ulein, I'll take it from here.'"

While she knew something wasn't right, from the outside, she didn't show her inner feelings.

"In those early days, I'd sit up in the dark of night nursing him looking like the picture of maternal devotion, but there was something missing and one of my greatest fears was that someone would notice."

However, once she was diagnosed and began taking medication, she began feeling better but says the connection between she and her third born took three long years. Her post reminds us that there is no timeline for PPD and it really does depend on each mother. However, she reminds her readers it does get better once you get help.

"Three years. Three years. In that time, I loved my baby boy, took him to play centres, parks, we cuddled, I painted his hands and pushed them into soft clay for keepsakes, and snapped a million photos, but there was a valley between us that I prayed he didn't feel. Then one day, or perhaps over several days, or maybe through each day of showing up, his real mother finally walked through the door and it was me. 100% me."

Moms and Dads alike praised Bunmai for her honesty and shared their own experiences with PPD. Bunami also wrote in the comments section of her post "The guilt dissipates too...slowly. Now the main thing I feel guilty about is how much strawberry milk I give him. Ain't no strawberries in there."