Here’s the Best Way to Dump Someone—According to Scientist

posted: 10/12/17
by: Amanda Mushro
young couple take broken heart isolated on blue background

Breaking up is never easy to do, but scientist have now revealed that there is a right way and a wrong way to dump someone.

Researchers from Brigham Young University gave 145 participants different scenarios of hypothetical bad news, and each participant was surveyed to find how they would like to have the news delivered. They were asked to rank the deliveries on being clear, considerate, direct, efficient, honest, reasonable, and specific. Participants also ranked which of these characteristics they valued the most. For the most part, participants said they valued clarity and directness over other characteristics. So it turns out, "it's not you, it's me" is not the way to go.

If you are breaking up with someone and you've carefully crafted numerous reasons why you can't be together, start editing your list. When it comes to bad news, researchers found people want the delivery to be direct and to the point without a lot of buffer or build up.

Now don't get to crazy and be harsh. "An immediate 'I'm breaking up with you' might be too direct," researcher Alan Manning said. "But all you need is a 'we need to talk' buffer - just a couple of seconds for the other person to process that bad news is coming."

From breakups to deaths in the family and even illnesses, the results were the same--quick and to the point. People don't want long drawn-out details and conversations when they hear bad news.

"If you're on the giving end, yeah, absolutely, it's probably more comfortable psychologically to pad it out -- which explains why traditional advice is the way it is," says Professor Manning.

So when is a buffer a good ideas? According to Professor Manning when 'People's belief systems are where they're the most touchy. Any message that affects their belief system, their ego identity, that's what you've got to buffer."

If you have already survived the breakup and the heartbreak and you are looking to get back into the dating scene, our own Danni Starr has some great advice for dating after divorce.