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Dating After Divorce

posted: 09/09/16
by: Danni Starr
danni
Danni Starr

Between dating and marriage, I spent almost seven years with my, now, ex-husband. When people find out that our marriage ended, they instantly want to say sorry and I appreciate that, but it's not necessary. It was evident early on that we were much better as business partners than actual life partners and despite trying my hardest to make it work, it wasn't going to.

 

So we parted ways knowing that we will forever remain connected as we share two precious little girls. Somehow despite the stress, sadness and transition of a divorce we have developed a very cordial relationship and we co-parent amazingly. I guess I anticipated there to be more drama. That's what divorce is right? A lot of drama. Well at least that's all I've ever heard about divorce, but ours wasn't. Honestly, the divorce was a piece of cake in comparison to hopping back into the dating world.

I'm a single mom with two daughters and I have zero idea how to date. How can I even keep up? There's Tinder, Bumble, Christian Mingle, Plenty of Fish, Match.com. etc. Whatever happened to just meeting people in real life? I've never online dated before and now it seems as if that's the only way to date.

I'm trying to keep up with the times, but it's overwhelming. I just want to meet nice people, have great conversations and build connections. Instead, I'm sliding left or right, super liking people and it's hard to figure it out. Don't even get me started on how easy it is to accidentally super like someone.

The good news is I am really open to dating, I haven't sworn off love. The bad news is I literally have no idea how to do this. I deleted all the dating apps off my phone because it's just not my thing. Now, I just have to figure out what is my thing.

A blind date sounds fun, but also terrifying. I trust my friends though so if they think I might vibe with someone I probably would do it. If you're dating right now, bless your heart. It's a lot of work. I imagine it's probably a lot of work if you are not a parent, but as a mom, I can tell you, I can't just date anyone.

I'm a package deal. I have two amazing little girls who deserve the world. Their father is a good dad, but any person that I choose to be with, will also need to be a suitable role model. So Instead of just enjoying dating, I am vetting potential candidates as if they were running for president or applying for a job. It kind of takes the fun out of it and adds stress.

Maybe I'm not ready to date, or maybe I should reinstall my Tinder app and try again now that I'm aware of the super liking problem. Regardless, I've learned a lot. I'm proud that I still believe in love, fidelity, and relationships. I've been through a lot over the past few years and it could have easily left me jaded.

I'm definitely cautious, but I am not jaded. Love is great, I love love, not too fond of dating right now, but I'm hoping to get the hang of it. If you've got any pointers, I'm all ears, seriously.