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Couple Changed Their Relationship by Making One Habit

posted: 07/05/17
by: Kristine Boyd
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Shot of loving young couple having fun outdoors in grass field. Man and woman enjoying a day in meadow.
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Jen Aloisi Ham and her husband of 10-years were, inevitably, in a bit of a slump. They had gone through the exciting honeymoon phase, enjoyed being newlyweds and shared the birth of their first daughter together. They had the kind of marriage people dream about. Of course, they had fights here and there like every couple does, but overall, they had a pretty great relationship. Then life took a turn. "In one year, we went from feeling blessed to stressed. From job losses and financial burdens, breaches of trust and intimate betrayals, our relationship had hit rock bottom," Jen told PopSugar.

They went from a relationship filled with love, to one that was rooted in annoyance and anger. In a desperate tizzy to get back to what they once had, Jen and her husband started going to therapists and reading every self-help book under the sun. Jen tried intimacy and relationship exercises and nothing seemed to work. When she felt hopeless about her relationship, Jen had a mind-bowing, life changing thought: what if we try being kind to each other? Crazy, right?!

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Cheerful young couple in the morning at home.
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Jen and her husband started a seven-day exercise to make a genuine effort to say kind words to each other. This may seem like a simple task, but after 10 years of marriage plus kids, it can be hard to remember to compliment your partner. After a day of this exercise they felt like they had just started dating. They made the effort to say simple things that would make each other's day like:

  • "You look really beautiful"
  • "Tell me more about that"
  • "That is a really great idea"
  • "Thank you so much for dinner, I really enjoyed talking to you"

Jen says that affirmations have changed her relationship. Constantly thanking your partner for small favors and giving genuine compliments is a great way for your relationship to thrive. It's human nature that we like hearing compliments, but we also feel good giving them. It's a win-win! Most importantly, Jen cannot explain how important it is to say kind words to yourself. You have to love yourself in order for any relationship to work. "I anticipated that this experiment would resuscitate my relationship...what I didn't expect was how the relationship with myself would grow."

This story proves that kind words are pretty much magic. So, go out and spread the love! Get more of your marriage/dating questions answered from these inspiring TED talks about relationships!

Via PopSugar